The Killer Red Stapler: A Horror Comedy in the Style of Airplane!

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INT. OFFICE – NIGHT

The office is deserted, dimly lit, and eerily quiet. Rows of cubicles stretch into the darkness, each one a little tomb of daily drudgery. The camera zooms in on a particularly tidy desk. Papers are neatly stacked, and a single red stapler sits prominently, casting an ominous shadow.

NARRATOR (V.O.)

In a world where office supplies are taken for granted, one stapler will defy all expectations.

CUT TO:

INT. AIRPLANE COCKPIT – NIGHT

A PILOT and CO-PILOT sit in the cockpit. The PILOT, sweating profusely, looks at the radar, which shows a red blip approaching fast.

PILOT

It’s getting closer! What is it?

CO-PILOT

(rubbing his eyes in disbelief)

I… I think it’s a stapler.

PILOT

(sarcastic)

Great. Just what we need. A flying office supply.

NARRATOR (V.O.)

But this is no ordinary stapler.

INT. OFFICE – DAY

A group of OFFICE WORKERS stand around the break room, chatting and sipping coffee. The RED STAPLER sits on the counter, gleaming malevolently.

OFFICE WORKER 1

Hey, has anyone seen my stapler?

OFFICE WORKER 2

You mean the stapler?

OFFICE WORKER 1

Yeah, the red one. It’s my favorite.

OFFICE WORKER 3

Oh, you didn’t hear? It’s cursed. Last guy who used it… never came back.

OFFICE WORKER 2

(laughing nervously)

You mean he left early, right?

OFFICE WORKER 3

(smirking)

Nope. Just vanished.

CUT TO:

INT. OFFICE – NIGHT

The office is dark again. A JANITOR is vacuuming, whistling a tune. The red stapler suddenly clinks to the floor. The janitor bends down to pick it up, and the stapler’s jaws snap open and shut.

JANITOR

(startled)

What the—

NARRATOR (V.O.)

From the creators of “Paper Jam” and “The Revenge of the Fax Machine,” comes a tale of terror that will staple you to your seat.

INT. OFFICE – DAY

CHAOS erupts. Papers fly everywhere. OFFICE WORKERS run in all directions, screaming. The RED STAPLER, now with tiny, menacing legs, scuttles across desks, snapping at anything in its path.

OFFICE MANAGER

(shouting)

We need a paper clip, stat!

OFFICE WORKER 4

(holding up a massive PAPER CLIP)

I got the big one!

OFFICE WORKER 5

(brandishing a rubber band)

And I’ve got backup!

CUT TO:

INT. OFFICE SUPPLY CLOSET – NIGHT

A TEAM of brave OFFICE HEROES, led by the OFFICE MANAGER, gears up. They strap on POST-IT notes, wield LETTER OPENERS, and load STAPLE REMOVERS.

OFFICE MANAGER

We end this tonight. For too long, we’ve lived in fear of… the red stapler.

INT. OFFICE – FINAL SHOWDOWN

The office is a battlefield. The RED STAPLER lunges, but the OFFICE MANAGER catches it mid-air with the giant paper clip. A battle ensues, complete with slow-motion shots and dramatic music.

NARRATOR (V.O.)

This summer, the office supply closet won’t save you.

OFFICE WORKER 4

(tied up in a ball of rubber bands)

Help! It’s got me!

OFFICE MANAGER

Hold on! I’m coming!

INT. OFFICE – DAY

The sun rises, shining through the office windows. The RED STAPLER is defeated, locked in a display case labeled “DO NOT USE.” The OFFICE WORKERS, battered but triumphant, high-five each other.

NARRATOR (V.O.)

“The Killer Red Stapler.” Coming soon to a cubicle near you.

CUT TO BLACK

NARRATOR (V.O.)

Remember: Always keep your office supplies in check.

FADE OUT